Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
