Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
