i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
