butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
