I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
