The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
