dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We don't watch enough power rangers
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
