I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
