dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
