If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need moral support for this bender
Vodka?
Forever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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