I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
