He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
