thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
