I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize