i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
