I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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