just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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