I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
