Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
