Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
