I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
