my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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