just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
