my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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