Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
