I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
