I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
