Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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