I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
