onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize