you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
