I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
