the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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