Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
