It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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