If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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