My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
