omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
