You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
