batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
