Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
...so i touched it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
