i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
