the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
