shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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