Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
