Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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