Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
