Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
