moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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