ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
