I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize