Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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