Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
