I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
