just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
