I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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