No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize