I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
