Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
