I cannot find my penis.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
