i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
