Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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