and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
