Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
