got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this boner is exhausting
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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