Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
